I've Been Shipwrecked. But I've Found My Lighthouse

so, i'm sorry guys. i've been a terrible blogger. you guys have probably given up on my blog already b/c i have not blogged since Feb. and now 2010 is almost over. not only did i abandone my blog, i abandonded my plan to become popular, but i do have a really good reason. I've been in the hospital since march 1st. i had an accident and i've been recovering. i don't regret it at all. and you know why? when i come back from winter break everyone will know who i am. I lost some weight in the hospital, I've been taking really good care of my skin and my hair has grown...... so i'm looking better than ever. and guess what??? I HAVE RUMORS!!!! some people think i was just in rehab so they're gonna be checking me out for evidence. guys included. but i wont be checking guys out. i'm totally glued to Derrick. He's been calling me these past months but i would'nt let him come see me. how could i .et him see me all bandaged up in an ugly hospital gown. if he sees me a my worst he won't like any more, i'm sure of it. no matter what he says. so... GET READY FOR SOME NEW POSTS BECAUSE I'M GONNA ROCK 2011!!!!

p.s. i went back and read my old post. i had a total twilight moment!!! i thought that i that i was dreaming when Derrick was waiting for me at my locker!!!!

Day 8: Lost My Path

You know, I've realized that I've been a pretty crappy blogger lately. I started so I could be popular at school and have friends and well, transition from poor farmer  Krim to Queen Krim I've totally stayed from that though. For the past couple blogs, I have talked about nothing but Derrick, Derrick, and guess what? Derrick. It's sooo pathetic. I haven't even done anything to get me popular. All I've been doing is just, coasting. That's not going to get me anywhere. Seriously, I've just been surviving. I DON'T WANNA JUST SURVIVE!!! farmers survive, i wanna be a queen that really lives. I don't want to just exist, I want to feel everything around me and think This is kinda nice, I like it here. So, I'm doing something about it. I'm getting back on track and this time, I'm adding a few changes.

-----------------------------------------------------

No More:

1. coasting: i wanna appreciate life and coasting is just so tiring.

2. loosing sight of my goal. I've been off track for months and those months have been the most miserable times of my life. I'm so over not having a goal

3. Derrick. I'm not going to get approval from guys if I'm not single. I've talked to him about taking some time alone and he's cool with it. we both just need to get our lives straight before we enter someone else's or let someone else enter our's. It was a mutual feeling but we agreed that if we're both single when we both get things right, then we'll go on a date and see where it goes from there.

Day 7: Heaven

so, I got a couple of e-mails about not logging on everyday to tell what happened. You see guys, I'm a student and I'm trying to be a good one. I'll get kicked out of school if my GPA every drops below a 2.0 and I can't let that happen. I can only make a post when I'm not busy with work. >.< I know it sucks and everything (at least 2 me) but bear with me. I'll post it all someday.

I did see Derrick again though, for like 5 minutes. I don't think he's avoiding me or anything. We're both just busy with things going on right now. hopefully he's busy by himself just like me. Is it wrong that I wish he was alone and not with cute girls and realize that I'm all wrong for him? At school, I've been getting the freeze-out. It's like I don't exist. I'm not even worth messing with anymore. It kind of hurts even more than being bullied. At least then I had proof that I was real. That I'm human and capable of feeling. Well until next time..... I <3 THIS BLOG!! I'll try to update for often, I promise!

Day 6: Fate Does Exist!

So, I was all set to go to school and be bored out my mind. but I had other things coming to me. Or make that other people. Well, you remember how Derrick said we went to the same school? I didn't remember that at but I'll never forget that now. When I got to school, he was waiting for me at my locker. I just stood there gazing at him. I could have sworn that I was dreaming until he spoke to me.

• Derrick: Finally! I've been waiting here for so long.
• Me: (frozen in place. seriously shocked. my hands fly up to my face b/c i was up all night crying about how I'd never see him again. I even blogged about it on my last post.)
• Derrick: What? Do I have something on my face?
• Me: No. I just thought I'd never see you again.
• Derrick: Nah, can't get rid of me that easily. You might not like me now but, I'm gonna wear you down one of these days. Trust me
• Me: When did I say I didn't like you?
• Derrick: You've run away from me three times. I think it goes without saying.
• Me: No. I like you a lot. It's me I don't like.
• Derrick: (looked at me. up and down) You're not such a good judge of character are you? You're beautiful, smart, I've seen your name on honor roll, you're talented, funny, not too brave though. Running away from a nice guy like me. I'm harmless.
• Me: So, what did you wanna talk about? I mean, coming all the way to my locker. It must me something important.
• Derrick: I just had to see you. Hear your voice. Tell you how much I like you. Give you this.
• Me: huh?

Just then, Derrick leaned forward and down and kissed me. Right in front of everyone is the hallway! I don't know how, but I just knew what to do with my lips and my tongue. He seemed to enjoy it as much as I did. Maybe even more. He spoke asoftly fter we pulled apart.

• Derrick: (a little out of breath) Am I supposed to believe you've never done this before?
• Me: (out of breath too) Well, it's the truth so that would be nice. Have you?
• Derrick: Yeah, but it's never felt that....... intense before. I've never felt like a kiss could be so meaningful before. Is it because you're a good kisser or because I think I love you? And you, maybe, love me too?
• Me: Well, we have time to see, right?
• Derrick: I've got all the time in the world for you, babe.
• Me: Babe?
• Derrick: What? You think you can just kiss a guy who really, really likes you and then just not be his girlfriend?
• Me: No, it's just I didn't ecpect you to want me to be your....your....
• Derrick: Girlfriend.
• Me: Yeah, that's the word. Hold on a minute. I'll be right back

I walked over to another ow of lockrs and banged my head on one of them. I just had to wake myself up! If It wasn't right for me to dream like this. I'd go crazy.

• Derrick: Hey! That head happens to be very important to me. Please don't break it.
• Me: It's already broken. That's why youre here.
• Derrick: what?
• Me: You see. I have to wake myself up before I get even more hapy than I am already. I'll wanna kill myself when I wake up and realize I'll never see you again.
• Derrick: Awwww. Babe, I'm real. This is no dream.
• Me: That's just what a dream would say.

After a while, Derrick convinced me I wsn't dreaming. Then the bell rang and I had to go to class. I didn't see him again. Not eversine and it's been almost two weeks. The suspense is killing me.

Day 5: I Think I'm in Love

i keep thinking about Derrick! Oh, just typing his name gices me shivers, but in a good away! Maybe even too good for my own good, and his. Idk why but I feel like I can trust him and be trusted by him. But it might just be infatuation or something. You know, where you think you love hime but then you wake up the next morning and you can't stand to even look at him. Or Worse! Derrick not being able to stand looking at me! Or what if he was only nice to me on a dare or a bet or a concussion so that he sees some blonde supermodel chic when he's really just looking at plain old me! What if he's blind! actually, I wouldn't mind that. Then I wouldn't feel insignificant when other girls flirt with him on our dates. OUR DATES?! WOAH NELLY! I'm getting too far ahead of myself! Who said anything about being a couple? He might just like me as a friend. or maybe he doesn't even like me! Maybe he hates my guts so much that he's gonna pretend to like me, make me fall for him, ask me out, and then dump me and break my hear forever! ohh, i hope that's not it. I want him to like me. Oh, I just don't know what to do! I've never been in this kind of situation before, or anything close to it! HOLY CRAP! I'm getting ahead of things again. Maybe i should just talk to him. Oh wait (smacks myself on the forehead) I ran away from him again. I don't have his number...I don't have a last name.....I don't have anything....I might not ever see him again. I mean, we go to the same school and all but HH is huge. Even the seniors haven't seen every classroom. and that wouldn'e be such a big deal if Justin L. wasn't a senior for the fourth time this year. Krim, you big fat idiot! You messed things up yet again before they even began!

Day 4: Mischief with Merchants

     So, on movies the quickest way to get popular is through gossip. If it works for Hollywood, then it should work for LA, right? That's what I want to find out. I figured it would work better if I told people that were really desperate to be high class society. You know, the merchants that wanna be noble lords and ladies. They go to tell the lords and ladies, the lords and ladies tell the Queen's and King's personal lords and ladies. Then, the whole kingdom knows who you are, what grade you're in, and they wanna hang out with you. That's easy, right? Wrong. Your gossip-- that you start-- has to be something worth talking about. That's the hard part. I have nothing going right now and I don't know what I could possibly make up that the upper class society would like. I don't know anything about what high society, and merchants, interests. So I figure that I just have to make someone interested in me. Preferably, a cute guy. Hopefully a lord or a higher class merchant.
     So, I didn't expect my plan to work, but apparently my makeover went better than I thought it did. It was Saturday and I was at the beach. Yeah, I know it was like 67 degrees or something but the beach was my mom's favorite place before she died. I was wearing a blueish green bikini with an extra large white sweater but I had it un-zipped. The wind was blowing so I had my hair up in a sloppy-ish bun that was half ponytail. it looked a lot better than it sounds. trust me. I wasn't looking for attention or starting my plan to get popular ar anything. I hadn't been planning to do that until the next day of school. I didn't expect to see anyone at the beach. No one from my school comes to the beach on Saturday mornings. I was just walking and singing and looking for shells. It might be kind of wierd but my mom loved the beach and she loved making jewelry so I make jewelry out of the shells. I've gotten really good at it and I wear them everyday. They make me feel closer to my mom. Anyways, I was just doing my thing when a voice spoke from behind me.
Voice: You've got a nice voice there.
I just kept walking. No one ever talks to me, so I figured this time wouldn't be any different.
Voice: Excuse me, I just couldn't help but hear. You've got an amazing voice. Do you take lessons?
I looked around me so I could see the person that the voice was talking to. I wanted to hear the amazing voice to but the second I stopped singing, so did the amazing voice. I turned around the cutest guy I've ever seen was standing in front of me. He has dark green eyes and black hair that reaches the nape of his neck. It was wet so it looked kind of.....idk, pasted to his forhead? Whatever it was, it working for him.

• Me: Um, are you talking to me?
• Voice: Well, (he smiled down at me. I'm kind of short, 5ft. 3in. but he had to be atleast 6ft.) We are the only people at this beach.
• Me: Sorry, I'm not used to people talking to me.(why did I tell him that? Such a dork!) Well, thank you for the compliment.

I turned around to go. If i stayed around that guy long enough, he would eventually see the real me and run away. I didn't want to give him the chance. Then I broke out into a run. I'd never run faster in my life.

• Voice: Hey! Wait!
• Me: (I turned my head but kept running) Sorry! I've got somewhere to be. I'm just in a rush.
• Voice: Can I atleast get your name? (he was yelling now, I was very far away).

I turned my head back around and pretended I couldn't hear him. I didn't really have anywhere to be so I just went home. I chilled out there until I got kind of bored. I went to get a smoothie just to get out of the house. I was just there waiting in line, minding my own business when someone said, "So, this is where you had to be. Are you meeting your friends?" I was shocked, not because someone spoke to me but because I already recognized the voice. And the face that matched it.

• Me: Don't have any. Guess again.
• Voice: C'mon. Everyone has friends. (he looked at my face-- no. more like he stared into it. It was really intense.) Do I know you?
• Me: How could you? I don't really get out much.
• Voice: No. I'm pretty sure I've seen you before. I'm just pretty surprised that I never actually say you, you know. (he closed his eyes. he looked like he was thinking pretty hard. Then he flashed his eyes open and and snapped.) I got it! Krim...Smith! We go to the same school! How come I never noticed you? (then realization found his face) Oh. I guess you weren't kidding about not having any friends, huh?
• Me: No, I wasn't.
• Voice: Well, I'm Derrick. Let me be your first friend. Whaddya say? Say yes. Or better yet, say maybe even more than friends.
• Me: (my smoothie got there, now that he knew my name and my statues, he was surely gonna remember my embarrassing moments. I had to get out of there!) Well, I got what I came fore so.... See you umm, if I ever see you.

I practicly ran out the store. I had that part planned but, I didn't plan on him following me.

• Derrick: If you don't wanna be friends with me, just say so to my face.
• Me: No, I wanna be friends.
• Derrick: Then what that? (he pointed to the shop) and then back at the beach? You rany away from twice in one day! It seems more like me!
• Me: It's not you that I hate! (I turned around and began walking slowly. I hoped that he would follow me. he did)
• Derrick: Then who do you hate? Just tell me who hurt you and I promise, I'll make sure they never do it again.
• Me: Me! I can't stand being this weak!
• Derrick: You? What bad thing did you do ever do besides stealing my heart and running away with it twice?
• Me: ?

I made my own quote in that very second and decided to live by it starting right then and there! Here it is: When in doubt, run the oposite direction. As fast as you can!

Day 3: Back to School Clothes: Queen Edition:)

***hi guys, before i start i just wanna say how psyched i am that i got 3 followers!!! That is just sooooo

awesome!***

    Soooo, I kinda ditched school since last thursday AKA my last post. I didn't have the courage to go back to school. I know that ditching is bad but I felt like I could use a break. I used my break to read a bunch of
clique books. You know, those clique girls that Lisi Harrison writes. I never read them but I do now. That
Massie girl is a true queen. If I can make my own Massie, then I could really rock my school. Massie started
trands, so I decided I just had to make my own trend. I sat and sat and sat for the whole school week and then i realized that I was never going to come up with anything if I wasn't even looking at any clothes. So I did what any sensible person would do, I hit my closet.
    I pulled everything out and laid them onto the floor. It was much, much easier then to pick out which clothes could make a statement and which clothes were already labeled as Queen-wardrobe or merchant-wear or peasantry garments or homemade-poor farmer-sack. I packed everything that wasn't Queen-wardrobe into a big box. I had to get rid of them so I gave them to charity. It was fairly easy. That's why I just love the Good Will store, I can just go and drop the box off at the back of the store. It's a win-win situation, really. I get rid of my junk and less fortunates can get treasure for cheap. What's not to love! Sooo, after getting rid of a lot of clothes, my Queen-wardrobe closet was....barely there. So I waited until school would be over and then I went to the mall. Fawn only shops on weekends so I knew it was safe. I went to almosst every store in there and I got crazy clothes that I could pull of with the right accessories. I just have to wait until school tomorrow to show off my new Queen-wardrobe to Fawn. Last Friday, I flaked out and skipped school for a week. this Friday I will blow out the week with a bang. I'll just have to get back to you guys with the details later.

Day 2: Out With the Old, In With the New

    I woke up super early today. I went to a hair salon and got extensions put into my hair. Now it comes to my waist but before it came about 5in below my shoulders. I also got bangs that stop just before my eyelashes. I bought a bunch of hair products and a a flat iron, hair culers and stuff like that so I can change my hair texture everyday. I also bought a lot of new clothes. I took pictures of the Queen, the female royal family, the ladies and the wives of the merchants' clothes every day for the last three weeks(yes, that does sound creepy, but it was for a good cause). I had to make sure that I didn't buy anything that they already owned. My outfits and clothing have to be original and trendy at the same time. In order to play the part, you have to look the part.     Okay, yesterday I explained the social class system. There are also sub-classes within the classes. It is like this with the merchants. There are two kinds: there's the higher class merchants that know the knights and nobles (lords and ladies) and sometimes get to talk with the King and Queen if invited by their noble friends, and there's the lower class merchants that know the knights and peasants and maybe-- on rare occasions-- know one or two of the nobles. If you are a poor farmer, like me, it is best to avoid both kinds. I have made the mistake of befriending two lower class merchants. Well, it was befriending on my half, on their half it was hiring a servant. The more servants you have, the richer you are and the closer you come to becoming someone of importance. I don't actually do things for them, but I serve them anyhow. They get to emberrass and humiliate you in front of the whole kingdom. If they do it in an entertaining manner, they impress higher citizens thus boosting their popularity and power while lowering you into the depths of non-socialization (IDK if that's a word).
    Today, when my merchant "friends", Noel and Missy, saw my new look they completely freaked out. We hadn't gone into the school premises yet so they pulled into the woods that surround my school to confront me.
Noel: O-M-G! You should, like, go change before Fawn (the Queen) sees you! You'll be done for
Missy: Yeah! What she, like, said! But times two!
Noel: Your welcome, gawd what would you even do without us? I wonder!
Missy: Wish she could be us! Then she'd, like, have a life!
        *they walked away*
    Of course I didn't change. I wanted Fawn to see me. Why shouldn't she get a good look at the girl who's going to take her place as Queen of our high school. I sat in the center of the cafeteria. Only the respectable citizens can sit in the center of the cafeteria. it's like living in hte capital city in the kingdom. Only the rich people can afford it because the houses are the most expensive there. I was visiting and pretending to own a house. I took a seat that kind of pushes out into the walkway so everyone that passed by had to see me. I got smiles and bubbly "Hi"s from all the girls and cool nods and "wassup"sfrom all the guys. I liked it but it wasn't the reaction I was waiting for. Fawn still hadn't seen me. I was just about to give up when she saw me. She headed in my direction, Lana (her lady-in-waiting) was walking half behind and half beside her. I'm not sure how they pull it off, but they do.
Fawn: Hey, you must be new here. I like your outfit. Your blazer is vintage, right?
Me: Yep, why do you ask Fawn?
Lana: Ohmygawd! I totally know that voice! Are you that loser girl with the funny name, ummm...dang, what was it?....Oh right! You're Krim, aren't you? I like your hair!
*Fawn's face screwed up like she was about to loose her cool. Then it suddenly got cool and composed again.*
Me: Yes, that's right. My name is Krim. It's nice to know you like my outfit and my hair, sort of anyway.
Fawn: Whatevs, it's the personality that makes the person. Not the clothes. You're still a loser and that' all you're ever gonna be. Just get used to it already. *she stepped closer to me so that she was looking down on me* Just. Stop. Trying.
Then she walked away. Everybody in the whole kingdom saw me dissed by Fawn so all the "Hi"s and waves and nods and "wassup"s stopped. I went straight back to Krim, the loser farmer who couldn't even afford to live in the city. I was stuck on my little farm, being taxed to death and all my crops were being taken by rich people. So I guess Fawn was right, it takes more than nice clothes to be popular. I have to work on my attitude. Popular people have spice or sugar. I just have to see which one suits me.
    So I didn't get any more popular today, but I did learn something. I'm thinking I should crimp parts of my hair tomorrow and go for a grunge look. That might give me more motivation to act cool and spicy. Well, I'll think about and get back to this blog tomorrow. It's gonna be FRIDAY!! I'm gonna try and get invited to one of the lord's parties that they have every weekend.

Sincerely The Future Queen,

Krim

Finding Queen Krim

***High School: a daily process (5 days a week) that is used by adults to torture and abuse adolescents emotions.***

    Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "High school is to prepare you for college and life in the real world." and "High School isn't that bad, just step up." or some crap like that. I don't care what you say, highschool is not, not, not, about learning. It's about climbing to the top of the social ladder. Doing your homework comes second, and everyone knows it.
    High school is like a kingdom. You have your King and Queen, their royal families, your lords and ladies, the knights, the rich landowners who do absolutely nothing but have money somehow, the rich-but-not-too-rich merchants, the peasants, and then the poor farmers who live in the famrs but everyone else lives in the city. I, no surprise there, happen to be a poor farmer. I work hard on my farm to grow my veggies and then respectable citizens come take them, sell them to the other citizens and then claim that they feed their people. That's what happens to me Monday through Friday except, they don't take veggies. They steal my ideas, jokes, clothing styles, and things like that. And on top of that, the King and Queen have the nerve to tax me! By 'taxing me' I mean bullying me and spreading rumors about me. And their loyal subjects get tax deductions by making/spreading rumors about me and bullying me.
    I saw the picture (the big one with the heart that's right up there) and thought that maybe I'm like that heart. Maybe the real Krim (me) is hidden beneath layers of gray gunk and I just haven't found Krim yet. I can climb to the top of this monarchy while finding the real Krim! The real Krim belongs at the top of the monarchy of highschool and I'm going to find her and restore her to her rightful place as Queen of my high school.

Sincerely the Future Queen,

                 Krim